At some point or another in our lives we all want to run away from our demons, our mistakes, our blood but most of all we want to run away from ourselves. We realize how much of our lives have been about what others wanted, smiling made mum happy, dad loved it when I fixed our lunch table and my brother gave me a high-five when I won the first basketball match. I didn’t want to smile, I hated that table and I never wanted to play basketball but it made them happy and I became someone I never wanted.
Series of accidents, mistakes and lies become your legacy. You can’t hurt them and your turn can wait. So you wait for that one day when you can open up and talk about yourself, about who you’re and that day never comes. One day it’s a friend’s birthday, next is your cousin’s wedding and you keep telling yourself to wait because you don’t want to hurt anyone. In process of making all happy and spreading smiles you lose yours’, you don’t know what your real laugh sounds like or how you got so bitter.
Every night you toss and turn and sleep with demons. The price of others happiness was ‘you’ but oh the irony you’re alone battling your monsters at midnight. It’s still not enough, people keep looking at you with weariness because they quietly wait for you to crash, perhaps they can see the cracks, you wonder. You sit and watch as they come and leave, and you keep picking up the leftover pieces and closing the doors, throwing away the keys.
You want to escape but there is none. You can’t escape from who you’re, a worn wrinkled page, brittle from corners. torn and twisted between many fingers over the years. Till the words on them are still visible you will continue spreading smiles until finally one day when someone erases them completely, you will find your escape.