Drowning

The world feels too heavy
To carry on my shoulders
Mixed with the weight of
Past mistakes haunting me
While I travel away to sleep
I can’t find myself anymore
Left behind bones and flesh
Slowly decaying in the cold
As I display another plastic
Smile and laugh with you all
Fitting in just perfectly as I
Should be with you all cause
Nothing is wrong as long as
I hold my smile and close my
Heart to keep everyone away
Nobody wants a broken glass
The truth no-one wants to
accept for it’s easier that way
And we like easy, don’t we all?
I want to close my eyes and
Reach out for something solid
Reliable but all there is thin air
Barely noticeable to my eyes
I ricochet between emotions
The inside of my brain roars
In anger and the hate leaves
Scars of collected misfortunes
Making me bite off my tongue
Tasting the blood like a razor
Smeared in splatter of it’s prey
So begins the endless battle
Of demons twisting my thoughts
Into ropes made of thorns put
Together through years of life
I have learned to despise with
A passion that burns the soul

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Stop

You prepare one more group
For another blood party you
Want to throw in your honor
Stop! every war is not our war
Haven’t we shed enough blood?
Haven’t this madness taken enough
of our sons, brothers and fathers?
Hasn’t all this destruction raped
Our country of peace and innocence
Of kids who would rather hold guns
Than toys because they’re scared?
Stop! Every war is not our war
So are we gonna put a price tag
On ourselves for each life we are
Putting on line? What’s the profit
That you will be making this time?
How long before my home has to pay
For the wars you keep supporting
Stop! Every war is not our war
The bigger agendas against which
Human lives keep becoming mere
Numbers on your pieces of paper
In your exclusive files for how long?
Stop! Every war is not our war
Please try valuing peace for a change


Note: This is directed at the rising Yemen war and the role we might have to play as we get dragged into it.

Read

Read for yourself and others
To be able to know and learn
A little more out about this infinite
Spectrum which we are part of
For its importance to appreciate
The countless things we misuse
Being able to have constructive
Discussion about human beings
Nature and never ending subjects
Rather make useless gossip grow
To not waste time over gossiping
A well read person will have better
Thinking capacity and tolerance
For others opinions with reasoning
From getting a chance to travel
Across worlds and cultures you will
Know places and people as your own
Hope will grow on our land again
As a change will occur in people who
Have been busy with guns and blood
Words will string us together as a
Rope tightly held in place and the
Rusted lines will teach us lessons
Long forgotten as we dumped books

Subject

You picked her from a crowd
For no reason your eyes chose
Her to satisfy your hunger of
Destroying anything you felt was
Lost so began your experiment
And she became your lab-rat
You fed her smiles and jokes
She fell straight for it all glowing
And you silently watched taking
Notes and wanting to turn the
Knob a notch bit more for fun
She became a priority friend
Someone important who you
Now meant the world too perhaps
She’d do anything you asked
For you were her little world
She held scarily close to herself
Time for fun you glee wickedly
You told her how important she
Was and how beautiful she made
Your world by her mere presence
Another needle pricked she bled
She fell straight for you, didn’t she?
Like an ice cream melting under sun
You were her undoing, no escape
She was your favourite subject
But you wanted some excitement
A desire raged to destroy her forever
You crafted the trap with precision
She said those three little words
Perfect‘ you cut the rope and walked
You hid in darkness watching her
Searching for you crying begging
You to come back and she wanted
Nothing from you just your forgiveness
You watched silently with joy as her
Madness transcended to depression
Her sleepless nights of regrets
Blaming herself for everything
The eyes lost their shine slowly
The smile was replaced with creases
Self hate hidden under clothes as
She seemed to get smaller by the day
This was better than you had planned
The ending of this subject “naivety

I met Happiness

We sat across each other
Sipping on a cup of tea I asked
Happiness where it was lost
It forcefully managed a smile
And barely whispered “I have
Lost my space, fading away in
This world tired of fighting all
The hate and anger people feed”
I sigh and ask softly if it would
Keep trying for my humanity’s sake
And others who desperately wanted
To see more moonlit sky and stars
More shiny eyes and kids running
Playing in fields and open spaces
It asks me why would I ask for
Such a thing don’t I see around
I gently hold its hands and smile
“Look around you there is still hope
There maybe few like me who want
Real happiness to dance across faces
To take away those tears from eyes
Those little kids who still can be
Protected and guided are our hope
Please embrace them gently and
Give them the best of yourself for
We must not give up on our kind
The fight for right must never end”
It looks back at me and shakes its
Head “Okay I will try to stay around
A little longer for those little kids
Who have a long way to go in this
And honest hard working people 
In this world of bumps and twists
You’re right we must fight together
Even if it takes sacrifices from us”
With that we share a knowing smile of
Promises and hopes knowing what
Will come our way but true living is
When we live for others honestly
Standing up against the evil no matter
What the future may hold for us

Imagine a World

Imagine a world
Where we all were free to
Be who we wanted to be
The freedom to be yourself
I don’t know how that feels

Imagine a world
Where we didn’t kill to
Reinforce our power over
The weaker opponents
I don’t know what peace is

Imagine a world
Where parents encouraged
Their kids to live their dreams
Not molding them to their like
I don’t know a free childhood

Imagine a world
Where equal rights weren’t
Just talked about but practiced
And people were happy
I don’t know true happiness

Imagine a world
Where pain isn’t inflicted
Purposely on others rather
People choose to be thoughtful
I don’t know if we can

Imagine a world
Where hope and happiness
Still held meaning for us
In little things that we did
I don’t know either

Can we get humanity back?

Dead Words

So much of what we want
Goes unsaid between empty
Spaces making the distance
Longer than it needs to be
All the “I love yous’” swallowed
Too scared of rejection we let
The aching hollowness to grow
Inside our chest locking the words
We shut off the inner voice harshly
Our hearts burdened under weight
We choke and stumble around
Never an “I’m sorry” letting our
Pride win over relationships we
Keep losing people slowly till one
Day the road mirrors a graveyard
Thank yous” squashed under feet
We drive people away without
Realizing we are digging our holes
Only to wake up one day and be
Alone and numb from the inside
With regrets and what-ifs that tear
Us up by the burdens we carry
Till we pick a pen and bleed our
Hearts away letting the dead words
Out filling the voids and aches never
Heard before to let the world glimpse
The burdens of the silenced words
Hoping someone out there will act
Differently and live fully unlike us

Pieces of Me

As I try to put myself together
For another day to survive
There is a burning desire to let
My pieces freely dissipate into
Nothingness just to feel peace
I sense my eyes starting a war
With my head as a dizzy spell
Takes over making the world
Feel light like a feather not
Knowing its destination to settle
I hear my heart beat slow down
Like music to my ears it makes
Me sway and I stumble around
Another piece of mine rages
I see my fingers tremble and
The faded blue and pink lines
Underneath my skin take a life
Of their own as they quarrel with
Each other trying to over power
Another not understanding one
Can’t survive long without the other
I bite my lower lip as my shaky
Fingers trace the maps on my
Arms jagged with precise points
Covering distances decorated
Each representing its own hell
I manage to clear my head to
Focus for minute perhaps before
A thunderstorm erupts behind
My ears making the world rattle
Another desperate attempt to
Gather broken pieces sewing them
Together quickly as the clock strikes
A warning of running out of time
I reach for the nearest mask and
Walk out of the door smiling to
Fool the world under starlight sky

Time travel

I wish I could travel back
In time to observe what
I did wrong to push you away
That moment where you
Flinched with the thought
Of me and decided to leave
So I could perhaps try to
Make amends to myself
Was I too blunt when I told
You that I was in love with
You and wanted us together?
Was it not good enough?
Perhaps I wasn’t too pretty
For I don’t doll up like those
Girls that surrounded you
Maybe I didn’t smile like
The rest and was too boring
With my desires of galaxies
And stars and universes
While your world was too far
From mine that you never
Let me in to so now I wonder
All the time about you and my
Unanswered questions haunt
me for I was never just enough
But even in my darkest season
My soul wishes happiness for you
But still I can’t help but think if I
Ever meant something to you
Do I cross your mind in silence
Like you do mine all the time?

Eleutheromania

Eleutheromania: An intense and irresistible desire for freedom

Yesterday while I tried to browse through blogs here, I constantly kept getting this message across the page,”the content is prohibited for viewership from within Pakistan” and with an exasperated sigh I had to go dig the issue up only to find that for some security reasons WordPress has been temporarily banned. I was upset, confused and enraged and emotions exhaust me. They always did, I prefer being indifferent. It’s been over twelve hours and I still feel ‘wronged’. 

I’m not sure I understand how our censorship policies work here and I’m certain if I asked anybody, all I’d get is a shrug of shoulders or perhaps even a seething look from one of the oh-so-patriots, “it’s a matter of national security child, what’s wrong with you?!” so I thought I’d use whatever access I still have in my hands to TELL what’s bothering me so much for after all it’s just a site, right?

Wrong. This place isn’t just a site for me, in the few months that I have been here I have come across amazing people from across the globe, I have made friends from different countries and religions. It’s this place which defies boundaries for me, this place which states that there is nothing like the power of words and honesty that can connect people, to quote Tennessee Williams, “If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it”  and I personally believe that we all leave ourselves, bit by bit, in words we write. If you look closely enough, you will find a hint of shadow of the person in the words they spill here for all to see.

What gnaws at me most is that I’m drained out by the policies and stands this country seems to have. We face a plethora of challenges, from basic human rights to national security issues, you name it and we have it. It’s depressing to see this home falling apart like the walls crumbling down around you as you watch with hopelessness and despair. What was once built on a dream has been butchered by it’s own people using the sharpest knives ensuring that the dream is shredded so badly that no one ever dares to dream again here.

This isn’t the first time they have banned a site, YouTube was banned back years ago because of the incompetence and failure of the government to be able to filter offensive content from viewing within the country, while the issue of what’s offensive and degrading for us is another debate altogether, what’s worse is that masses have to suffer for a handful of ignorant people. Again, from time to time we have had other sites (Twitter, Facebook etc) banned on the same grounds each time and now this WordPress has been banned too ‘temporarily’

My question remains though is how is this a solution to anything? Where is my freedom of speech? Why should I be denied my rights just because the higher ups want to bury the issues than resolve them? How long will we keep piling up problems instead of solving them? Of all the days today I feel eleutheromania clawing at me much more viciously than any other regular day, the irony of the situation is that today, 23rd of March, Pakistan resolution was passed, the decision that we wanted an independent country was cemented. The roots for our freedom were laid out in history today, 75 years ago. I rest my case.