Pills and Me

I’ve grown old with pain
As a part of me that has
Spread more viciously with
Each passing year of my
Life I can’t keep up with
The pace at most days to
Keep functioning it starts
Off with two pills and when
The world spins it’s time for
Another two that help me to
Put it to a light sleep till the
Monster wakes up completely
Lashing angrily at me for the
Deceitful act done against it
There is a war inside as my
My bones crash and clash
Causing me to wheeze and
Hopelessly try to keep myself
Calm but my hands tremble as
My vision blurs into an abyss
Any humanly action hurts now
Slowly I gulp down another
Three, relishing their taste
Hating what I’ve become
Falling in this trap created
By my own mistakes and
Life’s games it mercilessly
Likes to play with me day
After day and so I wither
Away silently waiting for an
Escape route knowing that
I was steadily getting near to
The end of the road which
Would have no open doors
For me but I refuse to leave
This road of self destruction
I willingly walk for it’s the only
Thing I can truly call mine

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22 thoughts on “Pills and Me

  1. I will be dead by then if any man ever touched me…you been thinking lol .God is protecting me every possible way because he knows what is inside my heart….you know why? there’s a lot want to tell you but we are not wired now lol we become untouchables glad we can talk here still.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Barrira, I literally walk that path everyday. Sometimes, I will think the day is completely past, and I have finally won a battle. Then at the last minute , since someone senses your easier mood, they will choose that time because they are dependent on your wisdom, or because they are selfish, will throw the proverbial monkey wrench into the wheels of your mind, and a total collapse follows. I try to think of a time, when I did not carry this burden. Then I had not a clue what malady with which you have been burdened. Forgive the ignorant, for they know not what they do. Forgive the professional who has not been through what we have been through, and for the rest including us, our situation is as unique has our physiology. Do what you do best, and perhaps with folks like you and me , we can make a difference to what society sees. This statement includes professionals who prefer the pigeon hole technique. [one group belongs here, the next right there] for those are the biggest fools.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. As always, thank-you for your kind words William, they mean a lot ❤ I'd be lying if I said that troubles aren't exhaustive and that some days you wonder " What exactly is it all this worth?" but you got to keep going on,if for nobody but for yourself.
      I shall do what I can but I generally function day after day without any hope pockets, if that makes sense…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Barrira I don’t presume to know your pain. I
    am doing my own dance with both pain and meds. The key for me was therapy. And two great books The Untethered Soul and Daring Greatly. Also Unstuck.
    Thank you for sharing your work. Very provocative imagery and emotion.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It really pains my heart to read of the sorrow in these comments. I have been fortunate, My sorrows will pass but I have a child, a wonderful, beautiful young woman who suffers daily from bipolar, depression, PTSD, ADD, and a number of other mind numbing illnesses… It is so hard when others don’t understand… I have spent years working with her and supporting her and loving her, and I have met three kinds of people through all this. Those who don’t understand because they don’t know, those who don’t understand because they are ass holes and refuse to believe in mental illness unless you are in a straitjacket and locked in a cell and those who thankfully understand as soon as you mention it. May you all only have to deal with the last… Much love to all. Michelle.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It breaks my heart reading this Michelle *sigh* Our society seems to be so messed up, the people with their stereotypical thoughts and such cruel behaviour towards others. The only thing people with scars deserve is more love and then some more love for their sufferings our greater than us and we all should be thankful if we have been blessed otherwise..

      Like

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