Drowning

by barrira

The world feels too heavy
To carry on my shoulders
Mixed with the weight of
Past mistakes haunting me
While I travel away to sleep
I can’t find myself anymore
Left behind bones and flesh
Slowly decaying in the cold
As I display another plastic
Smile and laugh with you all
Fitting in just perfectly as I
Should be with you all cause
Nothing is wrong as long as
I hold my smile and close my
Heart to keep everyone away
Nobody wants a broken glass
The truth no-one wants to
accept for it’s easier that way
And we like easy, don’t we all?
I want to close my eyes and
Reach out for something solid
Reliable but all there is thin air
Barely noticeable to my eyes
I ricochet between emotions
The inside of my brain roars
In anger and the hate leaves
Scars of collected misfortunes
Making me bite off my tongue
Tasting the blood like a razor
Smeared in splatter of it’s prey
So begins the endless battle
Of demons twisting my thoughts
Into ropes made of thorns put
Together through years of life
I have learned to despise with
A passion that burns the soul

28 thoughts on “Drowning”

  3. Despise! A very strong word. But what is it that you despise? The past is gone, that is wasted emotion. I have read your writings and know that you have a good soul. Look to today and tomorrow if it comes! BTW My wife of 38 yrs left me today! Between sorrow and awestruck, williamleeone

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    1. I’m a pieces of everything I wish I wasn’t ..perhaps that’s the best I can say? but that’s an ongoing turmoil …
      I’m more worried for you presently, are you okay? how are you taking it up ? There are too many questions in my head but I’m not sure if I should be asking them..
      Prayers and hugs for you.

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  5. I’m also guilty of “going along to get along” as they say. It just seems easier some days, doesn’t it. But it doesn’t really fix anything……You’re not a “broken glass”…or a broken anything.

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    1. Being someone who seems to know what’s wrong with every other person’s life, I do agree completely that it’s better off with the “going along” way cause its too draining lol but then I never got along with “easy” either 🙂
      Thank-you, that means a lot 🙂

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  8. It’s sad but true. Past cannot be easily forgotten — it’s there and it will always stay. You can learn to not repeat mistakes but you cannot undo what has been done which can bring pain and only pain.
    I loved the last line — you kinda killed me with that line (lol)
    Blessings and love,
    -Naima

    PS– if you need anybody to talk to ‘ever’ — I will always be here :))

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    1. haha oops, never meant to kill you 😉 and yes, I kinda feel you never get over stuff you just learn to live with them and hide the issues a little better 🙂
      Aww, Naima that means a lot ❤ that really made me smile ^_^
      *hugs*

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  9. Beautifully written. We all have bits and pieces of us that we truly wish didn’t exist. But then again it is those pieces that tear, scrape, pierce us to make us who we are. I guess it just takes time and perspective to see it in a light in which you can fully accept it. I fervently hope one day you do. 🙂

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  10. This was beautifully written. It reminds me of my darker days, and you put to words the feelings I felt so eloquently that I felt a pang in my heart as I read it. I think that though we may learn to “move on” and “heal,” those of us who are broken will always still carry that deep sense of brokenness within us.

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  11. I know barrira what it is to experience pain like you have but also Hope that never ends, am I always Happy Clappy No! but I do have inner Joy in knowing I’m a person of worth and so my Hope never fades regardless of the Storm I walk through because I know I don’t walk through it alone.

    I will leave a link for you barrira and we will talk if you want to, this link is about my Childhood but there are others as I grew up that share both despair and Hope.

    The Early Years – A little lost girl.

    Many Blessings barrira for Easter – Anne

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