Monster Within

Nothing scares me more
Than the monster that
Resides within always
Wanting to be unleashed
It persistently knocks at
The door like a madman
Refusing to go silent and
Letting me breath in peace
It laughs over the living
Endless nightmare I’m the
Main character in perpetually
Barely hanging on to sanity
Almost falling into the trap
I shake my head refusing to
Pay attention to my monster
Knowing the damage I can
Cause to myself and others
If the dreadful madness
Manages to scratch through
So I avoid the screams and
Curses for I cannot accept
The demon to overtake me
And abuse my loved ones that
I know it wants to brutally hurt
I feel it painfully screaming
Pushing through the cracks
Violently I shake my head and
Continue to smile biting my lip
Refusing to let it escape again

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Being lost

Walking an infinite road
With no end in near sight
Losing hope by the day
Road full of bumps and falls
So long now without a break
Wondering if there will ever
Be any relief from this battle
Against time I float like a
Nobody who has no idea how
To fix things gone so wrong
The darkness surrounds telling
Stories of horror and despair
Created by faults in this life
Choices that are nightmares
And people who are strangers
Being someone not understood
Who has tried and failed in her
Eyes that hold stories untold
And heart that desires escape
From the prison of life showing
That nothing seems to go right
In the ocean of blue misfortunes
Being Lost and sinking down
As a dead weight with no way out

In rememberance

I remember you even now
As clear as the sky above today
Our late night conversations
Giggling out loud as you tickled me
The shine in your eyes when you
Had to share some exciting news
How you hated sharing your food
Your silence when you got upset
And the ways you made me laugh
The late night movies with pop corns
Getting tired and falling asleep in
Your arms that I loved so much
The way your fingers found my
Favourite spots taking me places
Still so vividly painted in memories
I cherish and hold close to myself
A regretful sigh escapes my lips
As your thoughts rage inside me
My mind makes me feel so alone
But I know you’re happy there
So I know I will learn to live again
For your sake,  I will have to

Readin a book

The pleasure of reading a book
After a long exhaustive day
Leaves an impact of calmness
As being in the arms of a lover
The desire to lose myself in it
As I gently touch the corner of
the pages holding stories of
Worlds beyond I can ever imagine
A playful shine rests in my eyes
As I step in to the world of words
And let the sensation of sentences
Carved with commas and full stops
Excite the inner child within me
Reminding me that life’s miracles
Exist at all places if only we’d see
With open minds and beating hearts
All wonders live within these pages
Making me feel like I found home
And my favourite characters become
A part of my life delicately connected
To me as I laugh and cry with them
In moments we breathe together on
The pages decorated beautifully with
Words taking my breathe away slowly
And I fall in love gladly over and over
Holding my world close to myself

Strength

There is strength in waking up
Each morning giving it a chance
Not when you choose to hate the
World for tearing you apart endlessly

There is strength in loving after
Having your hear broken to pieces
Not when you close your heart to
The loved ones for mistakes of a few

There is strength in accepting your
Mistakes that might hurt others
Not when you deny turning away
Refusing to take responsibility

There is strength in going on when
You lower your child in the coffin
Not when you drift away with her
Forgetting many who need you

There is strength in living this life
Even when all purpose seems lost
Not when you stop trying to reason
Turning your life into passing days

The dying voice

The silence unnerves me
The inner voice I can’t hear
So exhausted dealing with
Blanket of disappointments
Choking me under its layers
Trying to keep up with waves
Of failures that crash against
My heart beating it down as
The bruised ribs protest buried
Underneath marks of past regrets
While I desperately try to wake
The voice up for it cannot die
Even when life crumbles down
I need to shake it up to get my
self preservation breathing again
Which I feel slipping away but
I can’t let anything get the best
Of me cause I haven’t come all
This way to give up just because
Someone fails to see me as a
Human rather a punching bag
They can play with as desired
Misunderstanding the silence
Echoing around as my weakness

Favourite Mistake

She was the hope you
Starved for in the perpetual
Madness surrounding you
Consuming you completely
In silence you looked for her
Reaching out blindly calling
Out to her promising words
You never intended to keep
But she fell for them anyway
Deliberately stepped in a trap
You thought was smartly set
But she played along with you
Smiling to herself and you kept
Wondering what kept her happy
Never knowing that the reason
She did it all gladly was you
While it was a dark hunger you
Felt when you thought of her
She was your temporary thing
You were her favorite mistake

Monday

Monday is like a bratty child
Who does everything to ruin
Your day in every possible way
It’s like the blazing sun causing
Heat strokes to get some action
The 4’o clock thoughts that you
Wish you could erase forever
It’s a reminder that some bad
Things will always stay with you
Making you want to sleep a few
Extra hours before you are to
Be dragged out of your comfort
The feeling when your older
Sibling steals away your last
Chocolate bar and laughs at you
Tastes like food that makes you
Cringe because of too much salt
As charming as the people who
Chat non stop before I have my
Morning cup of tea with extra milk
As pleasant as the high pitched
Laughter of people who make the
Walls around you rattle like coins
But it’s also the reason I’m writing
This while on my way to work
Which makes it not so bad I guess


Note: Yes! I’m sulking, my Monday sucked to hell and back meh (I wrote this around twelve hours ago)

On the edge

I feel every fiber of my being
Pulled in to a million directions
Stretched beyond my limit
I want to shatter my silence
Scream “enough” at top of my
Lungs till there is no breath left
Standing so close to the edge
All it will take is just one step
To end this struggle of fighting
Against my so called “life
Going down and down in to
An endless of abyss of darkness
Depression will embrace me
Completely happily as its own
Fighting it for too long has
Drained all the strength I had
Now I want to close my eyes
Rest forever in nothingness
As the idea of eternal void fills
Me I look down from the top
A shaky laugh escapes my
Throat and I take the plunge
Down and down I go in a
State of blankness where
I’m surrounded by white walls
Oh so white and so black they
Flash before my eyes like a
Mirror reflecting my life and
As I shiver involuntary I realize
It’s so cold down here just as
I had wanted “cold and dark
My hysterical laugh echoes

Versatile Award

Hi guys!

Recently, to my utmost surprise I got nominated for the versatile award by the lovely lady kirsty, she has an absolutely beautiful blog which always makes me smile, please do give it a visit https://kirstydavies1990.wordpress.com.

Before going ahead, I’d like to share the rules of the award:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award
2. Include a link to their blog
3. Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you follow and love
4. Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award
5. Finally, tell 7 things about yourself.

 There are a lot of you I follow and regularly visit your blogs, choosing 15 was a difficult exercise. However, here are my top favourite 15 blogs I regularly visit (this took me much longer than I thought) and are nominated for Versatile award, feel free to take this up 🙂

1https://milfordstreet.wordpress.com
2. https://globalunison.wordpress.com/
3. https://williamleeone.wordpress.com
4. http://surrenderingmyshield.com
5. https://elpislazuli.wordpress.com/
6. http://johnpoetflanagan.com/
7. http://heartwordsforpoetry.org/
8. https://krivashist.wordpress.com/
9. https://touchofmysaint.wordpress.com/
10. https://hyperionsturm.wordpress.com/
11. https://fourwindsinajar.wordpress.com/
12. https://poemsandpoemes.wordpress.com/
13. http://garasi82.com/
14. http://dadojodest.com/
15. https://aquileana.wordpress.com/

Finally, 7 facts about myself:

1. I absolutely love writing and reading (most of you already know this!)
2. I love winters and rains.
3. My favourite movie genre is psychological thrillers
4. I suffer from regular headaches
5. I’m a very reserved person and come of as rude/cold in person.
6. I’m terribly blunt and socially awkward
7. I can’t stand lies at all, be it white or gray or whatever colour.

That be it for now then, thank-you once again Kirsty 🙂

My very best to you all.