Anxiety

by barrira

The clock loudly ticks away
Never stopping for anyone
There is gray cloud inside
The thoughts run frantically
Like people running for their
Lives caught in a war ground
A haywire situation where
Nothing makes sense inside
All I see is shades of black
Feels like having to breathe
Underwater and wanting it to
End but you keep struggling
Neither dying nor surviving
Stuck in the middle of nowhere
The future looks bleak while
The past looks like a mistake
The present seems distant
Being an alien to your own-self
Watching your life take turns
As it pleases to do so even when
You have no idea the road just
Might end up in a crash cause
There is no end in sight and the
Breaks seem to have failed so
You keep watching the clock
Ticking away as you lose your
Ability to keep up with what’s real
And what’s just inside your head

38 thoughts on “Anxiety”

  13. This definitely struck a cord with me when you mentioned that anxiety is like trying to breathe under water. I have struggled with anxiety attacks for the past several years – though I have it mostly under control these days. But a couple of days ago, I attempted scuba diving which literally requires you to breath under water! I totally panicked the first time we went under (only a couple feet under – but my body was like “WTF?! We are drowning!!”) and I swam to the top as fast as I could. Which you aren’t supposed to do – and it’s also nearly impossible to do with 50 lbs of gear and a life jacket that is deflated (to make you sink in the first place).

    However, even after that, I took a few deep breaths at the top and pulled my shit together and went back underwater with the instructor. He coached me through the drills during which I actually had to take the breathing device out of my mouth, let go of it and let it float in the water, and then find it and put it back in my mouth, push the button that releases all the water from the tube, and exhale into it, all before being able to inhale again. And I was able to stay calm enough and fight through my anxiety about drowning in the ocean LOL! I decided not to swim down further with the rest of the group, but I was still proud that I tried again (and succeeded) even after panicking the first time we went under.

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    1. wow, that’s fantastic, you should pat yourself on the back 🙂 This is brilliant to hear really. Yes, anxiety attacks can really render us useless and hopeless when they strike, the fact that you managed to push through it speaks for your bravery ❤
      Best
      B

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