Subject

You picked her from a crowd
For no reason your eyes chose
Her to satisfy your hunger of
Destroying anything you felt was
Lost so began your experiment
And she became your lab-rat
You fed her smiles and jokes
She fell straight for it all glowing
And you silently watched taking
Notes and wanting to turn the
Knob a notch bit more for fun
She became a priority friend
Someone important who you
Now meant the world too perhaps
She’d do anything you asked
For you were her little world
She held scarily close to herself
Time for fun you glee wickedly
You told her how important she
Was and how beautiful she made
Your world by her mere presence
Another needle pricked she bled
She fell straight for you, didn’t she?
Like an ice cream melting under sun
You were her undoing, no escape
She was your favourite subject
But you wanted some excitement
A desire raged to destroy her forever
You crafted the trap with precision
She said those three little words
Perfect‘ you cut the rope and walked
You hid in darkness watching her
Searching for you crying begging
You to come back and she wanted
Nothing from you just your forgiveness
You watched silently with joy as her
Madness transcended to depression
Her sleepless nights of regrets
Blaming herself for everything
The eyes lost their shine slowly
The smile was replaced with creases
Self hate hidden under clothes as
She seemed to get smaller by the day
This was better than you had planned
The ending of this subject “naivety

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Disappointments

We as humans will always be disappointed by ourselves by others, the degree of disappointment may differ depending on out attachment level to a certain object (thing/person) but at some point in life every object will disappoint you because it’s natural with our never ending desires and selfish needs. We simultaneously idolize and loathe people who seem to have their shit together who also secretly do the same because they see us just as we do them. Perfected masks and all that’s holy. Only when you get to really know someone the walls crumble and look..they’re just like you blood and flesh and brains and same gazillion expectations.

So normal,  never a thought of giving but always within our own realities and realms of receiving and thus constant disappointments. At the same as we grow as individuals we look back and realize such dumb fucks we were and still are and we keep trying to please ourselves and others, trying to look for some approval. Forgetting all along who we are is what makes us special and different cause everyone has got something in them but because we prefer masks we live in the constant webs of lies we have weaved for us and others.

The vicious cycle of lives we have constructed. How then is it that anyone has the audacity to look at other with fingers pointed when…we all are just same..specks of dust and delusions.