People Dissapoint

On this stage full of actors
Each trying to outsmart the
Another by playing their
Parts with eased perfection
Under masks of murky
Gray characters that cloud
Over your view of the world
Making it appear as dark as
The white painted hospital
Walls and as dull as the beep
Of the heart wanting to sleep
People disappoint you in
Ways that make you wonder
Make you question yourself
How deceiving and deep those
Layers of skin were wrapped
Around their faces that you
Couldn’t tell real from fake
Ones, wishing to tear off the
Intimate cocoons they hide in
Peel of one plastic layer after
Another till the backstabbers
Knives can be seen and the
Lies can be put on display
For the world to know the
Ugliness people hide behind
The perfectly crafted smiles

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In Retrospect

In retrospect of life
Regrets make way easy
Apologies feel far while
Life feels wasted away
While hope feels like a
Fading shade of sun
Just before it sinks
From view while you
Watch trying to grasp
How much has been
Lost in time ticking
Away in to star dust
And endless memories
Swim across the vision
All a blur, too quick to
Isolate one memory
From another but you
Can almost reach out
And intimately trace the
Fragments surrounding
You in a whirlwind of
People and places and
Words that don’t matter
For it’s too late to go
Back to ‘undo‘ the done
But you can look forward
Drop the bag of weight
Filled with dead people
You carry around and
Reach out to the ones
Standing at the doors
Waiting for you to join
Them on the other side

Sunrise

The sun rises everyday
Despite how the day ends
It rises above everything
Never giving up even if
It knows how its day will
End but that never stops
It from shinning the next
Day for it doesn’t focuses
On giving up rather a new
Chance each day to shine
And makes lives of many
Warm with love and care
As I watch the sun’s cycle
I can see the resilience
With which it never lets
Anything come in its way
Giving me the patience
To not let the day’s worries
Stop me from trying the
Next day and again till
I achieve what I have to
For it will take time and
Restraint to not break
Under consistent pressure
But those who learn to live
Through troubles smiling
Eventually make their mark

The Tragedy Queen

She traces her reflection
In the mirror gingerly
Wondering where did all
The years pass by and
All there is now left is a
Wrinkled face that holds
Stories of hope and despair
Of sadness and regrets
Of desires unfulfilled and
A part of her wishes for a
Time machine to fix things
She quietly laughs shaking
Her head at her shallow
Wishes of a perfect life
Her eyes look back at her
Numbly and a hint of pity
Telling her it was okay to
Let go of dreams sometime
A scar runs deep down her
Cheek making her wince
Remembering how she was
Brutally attacked that night
Never again was she same
Becoming the joke for others
‘Witch’ they called out and
Laughed at her miseries
She silently cried at nights
Smashing the mirrors and
Her demons with them to
Forget the one night which
Changed her life forever but
She learned to laugh at her
Own self and made jokes
About her face to survive
She smiles in the mirror
Again as memories of her
Famous ‘show’ assault her
Thoughts inside her mind
A hidden face and jokes
About herself, she became
An instant hit in the town
The tragedy queen’ who
Never gave up on her life

Monster Within

Nothing scares me more
Than the monster that
Resides within always
Wanting to be unleashed
It persistently knocks at
The door like a madman
Refusing to go silent and
Letting me breath in peace
It laughs over the living
Endless nightmare I’m the
Main character in perpetually
Barely hanging on to sanity
Almost falling into the trap
I shake my head refusing to
Pay attention to my monster
Knowing the damage I can
Cause to myself and others
If the dreadful madness
Manages to scratch through
So I avoid the screams and
Curses for I cannot accept
The demon to overtake me
And abuse my loved ones that
I know it wants to brutally hurt
I feel it painfully screaming
Pushing through the cracks
Violently I shake my head and
Continue to smile biting my lip
Refusing to let it escape again

Being lost

Walking an infinite road
With no end in near sight
Losing hope by the day
Road full of bumps and falls
So long now without a break
Wondering if there will ever
Be any relief from this battle
Against time I float like a
Nobody who has no idea how
To fix things gone so wrong
The darkness surrounds telling
Stories of horror and despair
Created by faults in this life
Choices that are nightmares
And people who are strangers
Being someone not understood
Who has tried and failed in her
Eyes that hold stories untold
And heart that desires escape
From the prison of life showing
That nothing seems to go right
In the ocean of blue misfortunes
Being Lost and sinking down
As a dead weight with no way out

Perpetual depression

I drink from the endless pit
Of the perpetual depression
Made from tears of silence
Two spoons of regrets and
A cup of anger buried away
With a pinch of added despair
And a tablespoon of mistakes
It tastes like cigarette smoke
And burned ashes of dreams
I feel the liquid spreading within
Burning my lungs like a fire
Enveloping a forest claiming
Everything that stands in its way
I fall short of breaths and vision
Clouded by the smoke of past
To escape I need to stop drinking
but as everybody else I too am
Addicted to my chosen destruction

Stop

You prepare one more group
For another blood party you
Want to throw in your honor
Stop! every war is not our war
Haven’t we shed enough blood?
Haven’t this madness taken enough
of our sons, brothers and fathers?
Hasn’t all this destruction raped
Our country of peace and innocence
Of kids who would rather hold guns
Than toys because they’re scared?
Stop! Every war is not our war
So are we gonna put a price tag
On ourselves for each life we are
Putting on line? What’s the profit
That you will be making this time?
How long before my home has to pay
For the wars you keep supporting
Stop! Every war is not our war
The bigger agendas against which
Human lives keep becoming mere
Numbers on your pieces of paper
In your exclusive files for how long?
Stop! Every war is not our war
Please try valuing peace for a change


Note: This is directed at the rising Yemen war and the role we might have to play as we get dragged into it.

Eleutheromania

Eleutheromania: An intense and irresistible desire for freedom

Yesterday while I tried to browse through blogs here, I constantly kept getting this message across the page,”the content is prohibited for viewership from within Pakistan” and with an exasperated sigh I had to go dig the issue up only to find that for some security reasons WordPress has been temporarily banned. I was upset, confused and enraged and emotions exhaust me. They always did, I prefer being indifferent. It’s been over twelve hours and I still feel ‘wronged’. 

I’m not sure I understand how our censorship policies work here and I’m certain if I asked anybody, all I’d get is a shrug of shoulders or perhaps even a seething look from one of the oh-so-patriots, “it’s a matter of national security child, what’s wrong with you?!” so I thought I’d use whatever access I still have in my hands to TELL what’s bothering me so much for after all it’s just a site, right?

Wrong. This place isn’t just a site for me, in the few months that I have been here I have come across amazing people from across the globe, I have made friends from different countries and religions. It’s this place which defies boundaries for me, this place which states that there is nothing like the power of words and honesty that can connect people, to quote Tennessee Williams, “If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it”  and I personally believe that we all leave ourselves, bit by bit, in words we write. If you look closely enough, you will find a hint of shadow of the person in the words they spill here for all to see.

What gnaws at me most is that I’m drained out by the policies and stands this country seems to have. We face a plethora of challenges, from basic human rights to national security issues, you name it and we have it. It’s depressing to see this home falling apart like the walls crumbling down around you as you watch with hopelessness and despair. What was once built on a dream has been butchered by it’s own people using the sharpest knives ensuring that the dream is shredded so badly that no one ever dares to dream again here.

This isn’t the first time they have banned a site, YouTube was banned back years ago because of the incompetence and failure of the government to be able to filter offensive content from viewing within the country, while the issue of what’s offensive and degrading for us is another debate altogether, what’s worse is that masses have to suffer for a handful of ignorant people. Again, from time to time we have had other sites (Twitter, Facebook etc) banned on the same grounds each time and now this WordPress has been banned too ‘temporarily’

My question remains though is how is this a solution to anything? Where is my freedom of speech? Why should I be denied my rights just because the higher ups want to bury the issues than resolve them? How long will we keep piling up problems instead of solving them? Of all the days today I feel eleutheromania clawing at me much more viciously than any other regular day, the irony of the situation is that today, 23rd of March, Pakistan resolution was passed, the decision that we wanted an independent country was cemented. The roots for our freedom were laid out in history today, 75 years ago. I rest my case.

Ode to the city of lights

I have heard stories about you
My dear city from long ago but
Ever since I have opened my
Eyes to this world all I see is chaos
People tell me you used to be
Happy and embraced all kinds to
Your heart giving them a home
But now your children fight with
Each other brutally shedding blood
Of any one who believes in a
Different God condemning all
I’ve been told that the nights used
To be long and musical where
People freely roamed and danced
All I’ve encountered is fear on the
Streets and heard of hidden sins
I’ve been told that you were successful
And sexy as a sophisticated business
Man who seem to have it all in his
Control but for as long as I can
Remember your length and breadth
Weeps wounded under filth of
Rich brats and blood of innocents
My heart breaks as I meet you in words
On pages and in rusted memories
As people try to recall your tales for me
With faint smiles and lost eyes they
Speak of you as “the city of lights”