In Depth

I find myself struggling
Each day to not drown
In the depth of the cold
That beats within me

The voice sounds distant
An echo oneday and next
Silent protest pulling me
In a void growing inside

It is the constant struggle
To be who I’m not within
Some days aren’t worth it
Nobody seems to be real

As life gets tougher around
The winters turn the blood
From red to blue taking over
The veins spreading chills

But didn’t I ever tell you?
I have always enjoyed the cold
The numbing of the fingers
The chattering of the soul

Feelings freezing with cold
Hope’s shallow breathing and
A smile forever lost in the mask
You missed by walking away

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Being lost

Walking an infinite road
With no end in near sight
Losing hope by the day
Road full of bumps and falls
So long now without a break
Wondering if there will ever
Be any relief from this battle
Against time I float like a
Nobody who has no idea how
To fix things gone so wrong
The darkness surrounds telling
Stories of horror and despair
Created by faults in this life
Choices that are nightmares
And people who are strangers
Being someone not understood
Who has tried and failed in her
Eyes that hold stories untold
And heart that desires escape
From the prison of life showing
That nothing seems to go right
In the ocean of blue misfortunes
Being Lost and sinking down
As a dead weight with no way out

If I could

If I could I would travel from
One book to another and watch
My favourite stories unfold in
Front of my eyes while I get drunk
On the enchanting scent of words
I would spend nights hiding in the
Most interesting chapters and observe
In delight how the characters coped
With changes and unexpected events
Of their life hoping to learn the same
I’ll pick magical words and weave
Dreams that I’ll wear before sleeping
So I’d know what it feels to wake up
With a smile and giggle with delight
I’ll crawl between paragraphs curling
Into a ball so I could hide from the world
I would sleep between blanket of words
Spilled on a pages protected from all
Harms and heart breaks that humans
So viciously cause in name of humanity
I’ll dissolve my very essence in to the
Half erased pages till I can find home

I wait

You’re the first thought I still have
The last one I close my eyes with
The one that occupies my personal
Space as shadow refusing to go away
I pretend to go about with my life
Each day struggling to shut you out
My failures mocking me on how I
Lost what meant so much to me
Why did I make you permanent
When all this time all I was a thing
A temporary trophy you got bored of
Discarded when you got tired of it
Asking for more than it deserved
Even then I wait counting days for
The knock on the door, that one call
That text that never comes hoping
You’ll find your way back knowing
You took my heart when you walked
Away and I need it back like the trees
Need the air and the water to survive
I breathe slower and wither bit by bit
Silly girl, my mind tuts and frowns at
My inability to let go of what’s never
Coming back