In Darkness

In the darkness of the room
I feel at most ease and most
Misplaced, like a pendulum
Swinging from north to south
Like not knowing hopefulness
From hopeless as a drowning
Animal tied with a stone pushing
Down and down it in the darkness
The voices are alive and when
Clocks are screaming in eeriness
But it’s also when the air is slow
Layers of peaceful air wraps you
Up in a cocoon to save you from
Chaos that is building around it
Reminds me of a racing competition
I must choose one before I lose
My sanity completely between
Ricocheting from one extreme to
Another as I constantly want both
The demons and the peace as same
It’s a battle I need to win yet fail
It’s way deep in to the night and
I see music and hear a screech afar
Knowing that I’m going too far so I
Decide to lie down predicting as the
The north and south clash, a war
Will break out inside that I don’t
Want to see till morning when my
Brains and sanity seeping back in
Making me a whole worldly human


Have you ever felt madness slowly
Creeping under your skin making
A home claiming your mind eventually
As if it was always suppose to be its
It flows from one alley to another
The world around grows grayer
With each turn it seems to take
It spreads over the darkest corners
Of the mind and the coldest attics
You had kept hidden from the world
You shake your head violently hoping
To make sense why everything around
You is falling apart but there is only
Silence in the darkness inside and
Nobody is listening to your voice
As you reach out for help your eyes
tell stories of horror and fear of what
Lies ahead on the road your mind has
Chosen but nobody has the time to stop
And look into your eyes and save you
This battle you will have to fight alone
Like all the other times you have walked
Through doors of hell back and forth
But you’re tired of escaping each time
For eventually you know you will give in to
This fight and put an end to the blue line
Flowing freely without your permission

Who am I? -II

The idea of reducing people to their names, their degrees or accomplishments doesn’t fit in my head. It never did. If somebody asked you who you were, what will your answer be? You can ask me to talk about anything under the sun and over the moon but if someone asked me simple question of who I was? I wouldn’t know and the sinking feeling that perhaps nobody else does either.

If I took off the layers of masks that I wear, will you be able to stand what you see? The fake smile that is permanently fixed on the face like the old grandfather’s clock hanging in the lounge which my parents refuse to get rid of reminds me of how I don’t know what a genuine smile looks like anymore. The words that leave me my mouth and make way to your ears are what you want to hear and not what I want to say. What is that I want to say? I’m not sure, inside the depths of the mind all I see is cold bleak layers of snow after snow. Trying to remove the snow from the corners and alleys causes me to wince in pain as the snow is cemented, the real self buried underneath and barely showing any signs of life anymore.

As I stumble and fall across the crisscross paths looking for answers, calling out my name, I hear nothing back except the void and hollow blackness that surrounds me. A sense of panic crawls up my spine and my hands tremble, I will never stop searching if I didn’t find myself. Madness, sits calmly on a settee watching this in utter delight with eyes never leaving its prey. All it needs is a chance to take over and rein the distorted and cracked building; it’s only a matter of time now.

Maybe the answer lies underneath the skin, I will stop at nothing. I’m willing to peel off the skin to my very bones if that is what will give me the answers I want. I can hear drumming in my ears, someone is calling me frantically, asking me to stop but I shut out the voice. In deep well of the mind, madness claps in glee and jumps up and down in delight, it’s finally happening. I grimace in pain and I see the floor color changing, from as white as the hospital sheets to as red as a carnivore’s party.

I look up confused as the world begins to shake; fuzzy clouds and sharp lights are all around calling me. I hear someone begging, pleading “What!! What are you doing? What is this? What have you done” The voice holds so much pain that my own heart crushes under it. I narrow my eyes to focus at the face and mumble incoherent words as I fall into his arms, home. Even when the pale chapped walls start falling to the floor, I know I’m home.

“Who am I? Do you know who am I?” the words she spoke before she lost consciousness and in that one moment something shattered within him and the glasses of shard cut through his veins. As he picked her up and rushed outside the only thought running through his desperate mind was, “I know who you’re; I’ve always known who you’re. why wouldn’t you ask me