Friends

In a world full of darkness
Some people make life easier
Just as some who make it hell
Funny though both are friends
A pat on the back from him
Makes the day less shadowed
A joke he cracked last week
Still brings a smile on my face
A 4 a.m. call for a heart to heart
Things that can’t be said in light
The trust that connected us like
Magnets finding way to each other
But just as many can ruin the day
The mocking tone to disregard
The casual disdain in tone as we
Talk about my life is a routine now
Silent and indifferent simultaneously
Like a pendulum that has no end
Friends feel like random people
Distancing is better for at the end
Of the tunnel disappointment awaits

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Imagine a World

Imagine a world
Where we all were free to
Be who we wanted to be
The freedom to be yourself
I don’t know how that feels

Imagine a world
Where we didn’t kill to
Reinforce our power over
The weaker opponents
I don’t know what peace is

Imagine a world
Where parents encouraged
Their kids to live their dreams
Not molding them to their like
I don’t know a free childhood

Imagine a world
Where equal rights weren’t
Just talked about but practiced
And people were happy
I don’t know true happiness

Imagine a world
Where pain isn’t inflicted
Purposely on others rather
People choose to be thoughtful
I don’t know if we can

Imagine a world
Where hope and happiness
Still held meaning for us
In little things that we did
I don’t know either

Can we get humanity back?

Not Ordinary

You think you know her enough
To see through her countless masks
Which she wears unless she is alone
But you’re just like everybody else
Who have told her the same words
Hollow and meaningless to her now
And you’re just another number she
Will add to her list of people who
Failed to see her as a who she was
Confined by your shackled imagination
Of normalcy as defined by the world
You simply make her up in the head
As what you would like her to be
Understanding her means letting go
Of certainty and dancing with demons
She pushes you, makes you question
Changing your perspective to things
Why make so much of an effort for
One person so you will form a bubble
She smiles ruefully knowing it’s a
Matter of time; sooner than later this
Facade of goodness you carry around
Her will start to show the cracks of lies
You have built but she lets you play
Letting you assume you know her like
All who came before you and watches
Time ticking away slowly counting days
Till you realize you aren’t strong enough
Quietly she will let you go with a smile
Leaving behind traces of herself that
Will Sink into your skin to your bones
Unsettling you and all you thought that
You desperately needed to believe in
A blanket of regret will envelope you
Wishing you could turn back time

Who am I?

At some point or another in our lives we all want to run away from our demons, our mistakes, our blood but most of all we want to run away from ourselves. We realize how much of our lives have been about what others wanted, smiling made mum happy, dad loved it when I fixed our lunch table and my brother gave me a high-five when I won the first basketball match. I didn’t want to smile, I hated that table and I never wanted to play basketball but it made them happy and I became someone I never wanted.

Series of accidents, mistakes and lies become your legacy. You can’t hurt them and your turn can wait. So you wait for that one day when you can open up and talk about yourself,  about who you’re and that day never comes. One day it’s a friend’s birthday,  next is your cousin’s wedding and you keep telling yourself to wait because you don’t want to hurt anyone. In process of making all happy and spreading smiles you lose yours’, you don’t know what your real laugh sounds like or how you got so bitter.

Every night you toss and turn and sleep with demons. The price of others happiness was ‘you’ but oh the irony you’re alone battling your monsters at midnight. It’s still not enough, people keep looking at you with weariness because they quietly wait for you to crash, perhaps they can see the cracks, you wonder. You sit and watch as they come and leave, and you keep picking up the leftover pieces and closing the doors, throwing away the keys.

You want to escape but there is none. You can’t escape from who you’re, a worn wrinkled page, brittle from corners. torn and twisted between many fingers over the years. Till the words on them are still visible you will continue spreading smiles until finally one day when someone erases them completely, you will find your escape.

Let’s talk

Talk to me
About your favourite book
About how you feel when
Your dearest character is killed

Talk to me
About the food you savour
About that one dish
You can’t resist even on a full stomach

Talk to me
About that annoying neighbour
About his loud television which makes
You want to scream

Talk to me
About what makes you cry
About the silliest things
You want to try

Talk to me
About your 2.am demons and nightmares
About your hopes and fears that
You hide from the world

Talk to me
About things you can’t stand
About wishes you make when
You gaze at stars

Talk to me
About who you’re
About what it’s like beneath the mask
You wear all the time

But..Don’t talk to me
With the mask you wear
With the fake smile you hold
With the gaze that wanders away

Talk to me
When you can look me in the eye
And show me the world
That you hide

Disappointments

We as humans will always be disappointed by ourselves by others, the degree of disappointment may differ depending on out attachment level to a certain object (thing/person) but at some point in life every object will disappoint you because it’s natural with our never ending desires and selfish needs. We simultaneously idolize and loathe people who seem to have their shit together who also secretly do the same because they see us just as we do them. Perfected masks and all that’s holy. Only when you get to really know someone the walls crumble and look..they’re just like you blood and flesh and brains and same gazillion expectations.

So normal,  never a thought of giving but always within our own realities and realms of receiving and thus constant disappointments. At the same as we grow as individuals we look back and realize such dumb fucks we were and still are and we keep trying to please ourselves and others, trying to look for some approval. Forgetting all along who we are is what makes us special and different cause everyone has got something in them but because we prefer masks we live in the constant webs of lies we have weaved for us and others.

The vicious cycle of lives we have constructed. How then is it that anyone has the audacity to look at other with fingers pointed when…we all are just same..specks of dust and delusions.

Welcome to Hell

Imagine being locked up in a cellar. Imagine screaming for help till your throat is hoarse, till you’re out of breath, till your tongue is dry and your inside feels like it’s on fire, a fire that will consume you forever. Imagine the cold dread settling inside your stomach, like making a home there, spreading its roots within you, wrapping it’s branches around your throat, tightening the knot with each passing second. Imagine scars on your skin, red, ugly marks burning holes, imprinting on your skin the mistakes you have made. Each mark a deeper shade of red taunting you, mocking you. Imagine your body withering away, the horror of watching yourself fall apart.

Imagine trying to reach out for sanity but crashing into walls fumbling in the dark. Imagine missing a step and falling in a basement, a hundred feet down not having the light to come back up. Imagine trying to find semblance but realizing you have gone too far deep to come out. Imagine living each moment burdened with uncertainty and failures. Imagine losing your ability to vocalize what you feel, succumbing to the cold around as you close our eyes as it is oh so much easier than to fight. Imagine knowing that the only way to survive is to stop running from the real you and letting it settle in your veins, in your blood, in your bones, in every inch and in every breadth of your life even when you know you will destroy yourself.

Now imagine waking up day after day and smiling for the world.