Fill me Up

Too little time and too much
To do as life runs out of control
Not waiting for me to catch up
At the darkest of hour as I stumble
The purple pills come in handy to
Keep me on my feet when slowing
Down isn’t an option and hours
Aren’t enough to find closures
And as I hear the distant bells of
Peace and happiness the world
Still spins as a bored whirlwind
That wants to tear the city down
I reach for the pink pills and it
Looks like I will survive to see
The stars another day of my
Granted life tied up with drugs
And the colors of pinks and blues
Running through my veins loudly
As if mocking how I live and yet
Not, for after all if not for the little
Secrets I swallow and plaster a
smile each day, I will not know
Darkness from light and life from
Hell that I choke by cheating on
The storms that try to rise within

Losing my Mind

I feel drum beats echoing
Like purposely trying to
Rile me up to a war within
Almost as if the demons
Are working on a special
Project to cause mayhem
The feeling of someone
Pulling the flesh in different
Directions; the right and left
The strings moving ruthlessly
As if wanting to tear apart
My mind literally to pieces
I can hear the silence waking
Raging and crashing against
My skull wanting an escape
As these unknowns rip apart
The mind I feel turning to haze
Of memories and nightmares
A speedy blur of abstracts
Comes and float away from
My Vision making it difficult to
Separate reality from illusions
Of the mind noise that is too
Loud drowning the outside
The clock hand seems fixated
On 12 a.m while I feel eternity
Pass within my soul and mind
As it churns and rattles and
I stare at the wall waiting for
The demons to go to sleep


Somethings remain timeless
Like the love of  mother that
Knows no bounds and drifts
Between spaces and places
To forever imprint an impact
And the laughter of a child
That echoes in long hallways
Preserving their childhood
In memories that the future
Will be thankful for as years
Pass by and silence grows
How the sky feels at night
Decorated by the stars and
The clouds form shapes for
Us to remind of the infinite
Possibilities and realms that
Can be created if we dream
The subtle look between the
The two lovers as they watch
One another from a distance
In a crowd, delightfully drinking
In every movement of another
Places and people where time
Ceases to exist and all that’s
Left is captured moments


Time heals the biggest wounds
It spreads over the hurt parts
Slowly wrapping them up with
Patience, teaching them to let go
Gradually making the pain subside
Like a dull bearable ache in you
That you learn to live with, smiling
It teaches you gratitude for little
Things you never thought mattered
But as a wise teacher it waits for
You to catch up with and learn to
Smile again realizing you survived
It will plant hope in your heart again
Letting you know feel the world has
A-lot to offer to you and one failure
Is not a reason to stop rather to be
More stronger in face of adversaries
But most of all time teaches you that
You are capable of surviving wounds


She knows it’s time to let go
Her mind tells her to cut off
The memories she holds so
Dear to herself like oxygen
As they become toxic spreading
Darkness inside her in every
Corner of her being eating away
Who she was once, herself
Now every time she looks in
The mirror an empty gaze seem
To drill through her head as
If trying to jolt the person to life
She sighs and looks around
Maybe the questions she wanted
Him to answer were to be buried
With the memories she held close
He was happy and that was all
She needed to know and in that
Happiness she would have to find
Peace for herself, it was never about
What she wanted from life but
Knowing that he had found home
So she smiles through tears of a
Heart she no longer feels beating
And sits down to pull out threads of
their memories they built together
Cutting off the cords wincing in
Pain as her hands shook with each
String thrown away creating voids

Time travel

I wish I could travel back
In time to observe what
I did wrong to push you away
That moment where you
Flinched with the thought
Of me and decided to leave
So I could perhaps try to
Make amends to myself
Was I too blunt when I told
You that I was in love with
You and wanted us together?
Was it not good enough?
Perhaps I wasn’t too pretty
For I don’t doll up like those
Girls that surrounded you
Maybe I didn’t smile like
The rest and was too boring
With my desires of galaxies
And stars and universes
While your world was too far
From mine that you never
Let me in to so now I wonder
All the time about you and my
Unanswered questions haunt
me for I was never just enough
But even in my darkest season
My soul wishes happiness for you
But still I can’t help but think if I
Ever meant something to you
Do I cross your mind in silence
Like you do mine all the time?


I watch the stars above me feeling
So small wondering how vastly the
Big black blanket is spread all over
us and the millions of pearls that are
Stitched on to it delicately each placed
With precision that one can only wonder
About The magic of nature all around
That I feel flowing inside me brings in a
Sense of dread and despair for there
Is so much to see and know and barely
Any time that I have in my hands to hold
All the roads I’d never get to travel along
And the bumps I won’t fall on to clumsily
The road signs that I will never learn about
Settle a sense of profound regret in me
All those tall and lofty mountains that I
Dreamed of touching and feeling one day
Would vanish into thin air like a part of my
Imagination I could never have control of
As I desire to hold and smell all the scents
That surround us and preserving it in me
My head reminds me of my finite days
That will stop me from crossing all the
Places I wanted to on the maps to galaxies
I would never be able to wrap into my arms
Layer after layers of silence is wrapped upon
Me in the darkness of night to muffle my
Thoughts and wishes till there is nothing
Left in the air except a sense of numbness