She squeals and thrashes
Against the walls that bind
Her from the freedom of life
She wants to break free
Explore the hidden secrets
The world teases her with
Oh! the great blue spread
All over like a new born’s
Blanket keeping the world
Warm and welcoming but
Sometimes it goes angry
Gray and yells at people
She wants to feel all the
Clouds floating around
Her and the wind blowing
Against her wings as she
Flies to places and lands
The thoughts of the world
Create a forlorn expression
On her face as her fate
of being caged keeps her
From exploring unknown
She angrily protests and
Waits for someone to hear
Listen to her, to free her
Still crashing her body
Against the caged walls
She desperately prays for
A sign of hope to escape
But she remembers her
Clipped wings and her head
Bows down in silent defeat
pain
Time
Time heals the biggest wounds
It spreads over the hurt parts
Slowly wrapping them up with
Patience, teaching them to let go
Gradually making the pain subside
Like a dull bearable ache in you
That you learn to live with, smiling
It teaches you gratitude for little
Things you never thought mattered
But as a wise teacher it waits for
You to catch up with and learn to
Smile again realizing you survived
It will plant hope in your heart again
Letting you know feel the world has
A-lot to offer to you and one failure
Is not a reason to stop rather to be
More stronger in face of adversaries
But most of all time teaches you that
You are capable of surviving wounds
Against Bullying
Stop pointing fingers and
Laughing at anyone slightly
Fat by your standards
Bullying is a crime!
Don’t teach your kids to
Push away anybody who
Is different from them
Bullying is cruel!
Forming group against people
On the direction they bend in
Their abilities matter most
Bullying is judgmental!
Colour isn’t a definition you
Need to spend your life with
The heart’s purity counts
Bullying is ugly!
Your religion doesn’t makes you
Superior to others in anyway if
You forget humanity in pride
Bullying is terrifying!
Preach equality to all humans
For a world we want to leave
Behind for our generations
Bullying is unacceptable!
Drowning
The world feels too heavy
To carry on my shoulders
Mixed with the weight of
Past mistakes haunting me
While I travel away to sleep
I can’t find myself anymore
Left behind bones and flesh
Slowly decaying in the cold
As I display another plastic
Smile and laugh with you all
Fitting in just perfectly as I
Should be with you all cause
Nothing is wrong as long as
I hold my smile and close my
Heart to keep everyone away
Nobody wants a broken glass
The truth no-one wants to
accept for it’s easier that way
And we like easy, don’t we all?
I want to close my eyes and
Reach out for something solid
Reliable but all there is thin air
Barely noticeable to my eyes
I ricochet between emotions
The inside of my brain roars
In anger and the hate leaves
Scars of collected misfortunes
Making me bite off my tongue
Tasting the blood like a razor
Smeared in splatter of it’s prey
So begins the endless battle
Of demons twisting my thoughts
Into ropes made of thorns put
Together through years of life
I have learned to despise with
A passion that burns the soul
Pieces of Me
As I try to put myself together
For another day to survive
There is a burning desire to let
My pieces freely dissipate into
Nothingness just to feel peace
I sense my eyes starting a war
With my head as a dizzy spell
Takes over making the world
Feel light like a feather not
Knowing its destination to settle
I hear my heart beat slow down
Like music to my ears it makes
Me sway and I stumble around
Another piece of mine rages
I see my fingers tremble and
The faded blue and pink lines
Underneath my skin take a life
Of their own as they quarrel with
Each other trying to over power
Another not understanding one
Can’t survive long without the other
I bite my lower lip as my shaky
Fingers trace the maps on my
Arms jagged with precise points
Covering distances decorated
Each representing its own hell
I manage to clear my head to
Focus for minute perhaps before
A thunderstorm erupts behind
My ears making the world rattle
Another desperate attempt to
Gather broken pieces sewing them
Together quickly as the clock strikes
A warning of running out of time
I reach for the nearest mask and
Walk out of the door smiling to
Fool the world under starlight sky
Eleutheromania
Eleutheromania: An intense and irresistible desire for freedom
Yesterday while I tried to browse through blogs here, I constantly kept getting this message across the page,”the content is prohibited for viewership from within Pakistan” and with an exasperated sigh I had to go dig the issue up only to find that for some security reasons WordPress has been temporarily banned. I was upset, confused and enraged and emotions exhaust me. They always did, I prefer being indifferent. It’s been over twelve hours and I still feel ‘wronged’.
I’m not sure I understand how our censorship policies work here and I’m certain if I asked anybody, all I’d get is a shrug of shoulders or perhaps even a seething look from one of the oh-so-patriots, “it’s a matter of national security child, what’s wrong with you?!” so I thought I’d use whatever access I still have in my hands to TELL what’s bothering me so much for after all it’s just a site, right?
Wrong. This place isn’t just a site for me, in the few months that I have been here I have come across amazing people from across the globe, I have made friends from different countries and religions. It’s this place which defies boundaries for me, this place which states that there is nothing like the power of words and honesty that can connect people, to quote Tennessee Williams, “If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it” and I personally believe that we all leave ourselves, bit by bit, in words we write. If you look closely enough, you will find a hint of shadow of the person in the words they spill here for all to see.
What gnaws at me most is that I’m drained out by the policies and stands this country seems to have. We face a plethora of challenges, from basic human rights to national security issues, you name it and we have it. It’s depressing to see this home falling apart like the walls crumbling down around you as you watch with hopelessness and despair. What was once built on a dream has been butchered by it’s own people using the sharpest knives ensuring that the dream is shredded so badly that no one ever dares to dream again here.
This isn’t the first time they have banned a site, YouTube was banned back years ago because of the incompetence and failure of the government to be able to filter offensive content from viewing within the country, while the issue of what’s offensive and degrading for us is another debate altogether, what’s worse is that masses have to suffer for a handful of ignorant people. Again, from time to time we have had other sites (Twitter, Facebook etc) banned on the same grounds each time and now this WordPress has been banned too ‘temporarily’
My question remains though is how is this a solution to anything? Where is my freedom of speech? Why should I be denied my rights just because the higher ups want to bury the issues than resolve them? How long will we keep piling up problems instead of solving them? Of all the days today I feel eleutheromania clawing at me much more viciously than any other regular day, the irony of the situation is that today, 23rd of March, Pakistan resolution was passed, the decision that we wanted an independent country was cemented. The roots for our freedom were laid out in history today, 75 years ago. I rest my case.
Ode to the city of lights
I have heard stories about you
My dear city from long ago but
Ever since I have opened my
Eyes to this world all I see is chaos
People tell me you used to be
Happy and embraced all kinds to
Your heart giving them a home
But now your children fight with
Each other brutally shedding blood
Of any one who believes in a
Different God condemning all
I’ve been told that the nights used
To be long and musical where
People freely roamed and danced
All I’ve encountered is fear on the
Streets and heard of hidden sins
I’ve been told that you were successful
And sexy as a sophisticated business
Man who seem to have it all in his
Control but for as long as I can
Remember your length and breadth
Weeps wounded under filth of
Rich brats and blood of innocents
My heart breaks as I meet you in words
On pages and in rusted memories
As people try to recall your tales for me
With faint smiles and lost eyes they
Speak of you as “the city of lights”
I question, do you?
Why does a woman have to
Justify when she steps out
Of the home to make a living?
I question, do you?
Why is it okay for a man to cheat
On his wife and gloat? And the
Woman should forgive it all
I question, do you?
Why do men have to hide their
Emotions behind cruelty and anger?
Being emotional is being less of a man
I question, do you?
How does a thirteen year old
Provoke a forty year old to rape?
And the world sleeps at night
I question, do you?
How is marriage mandatory for
A happy life one wants to have?
Why can’t you choose otherwise
I question, do you?
Which religion promotes killing of
Innocent in name of peace and hope?
Will this society ever rise above it
I question, do you?
When will we accept humans for
Who they are and stop labeling them?
Pushing them to point of suicides
I question, do you?
Note: These issues are specifically pointed towards the society I’m part of and the fact how openly they’re practiced and nobody seems to be bothered by them.
Pills and Me
I’ve grown old with pain
As a part of me that has
Spread more viciously with
Each passing year of my
Life I can’t keep up with
The pace at most days to
Keep functioning it starts
Off with two pills and when
The world spins it’s time for
Another two that help me to
Put it to a light sleep till the
Monster wakes up completely
Lashing angrily at me for the
Deceitful act done against it
There is a war inside as my
My bones crash and clash
Causing me to wheeze and
Hopelessly try to keep myself
Calm but my hands tremble as
My vision blurs into an abyss
Any humanly action hurts now
Slowly I gulp down another
Three, relishing their taste
Hating what I’ve become
Falling in this trap created
By my own mistakes and
Life’s games it mercilessly
Likes to play with me day
After day and so I wither
Away silently waiting for an
Escape route knowing that
I was steadily getting near to
The end of the road which
Would have no open doors
For me but I refuse to leave
This road of self destruction
I willingly walk for it’s the only
Thing I can truly call mine
Reflections
If you could see the damage
Your words inflicted on others
Trace the scars on their skin
Will you be more thoughtful?
If you could see her heart
That you left scarred when
You decided to cheat on her
Will you do it differently?
If you could read the doubts
He carries in his eyes for the
World for you fed him lies
Will you try to set things right?
If you could count her broken
Bones followed by each angry
Night you spent with her
Will you ask for forgiveness?
If you knew how your son cried
To sleep each night because he
Was never smart enough for you
Will you try to make amends?
If you could see another soul
All the beauty and sorrows
The make humans vulnerable
Will you tread more carefully?
unheardunspokencogitationum 